What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve said ‘no’ to this week? Come on, think about it. Children, husbands, wives, neighbours, sales staff. I’ve bet you’ve been asked some dumb questions this week.
My top 5 this week are:
5) No, you can’t have a toy
We were in a toy shop buying a present for a little friend. Both of my children wanted toys they saw in the shop. When I suggested they save up pocket money or wait until Christmas (harsh eh?) they BOTH went into meltdown. With the eldest using his most Shakespearean style of voice to exclaim ‘but Mummy (wail) we NEVER get toys, why are you so meeaaaannnn?’. The youngest just sat on the floor bawling her eyes out, repeatedly telling me ‘Daddy would get it for me’ (he wouldn’t).
4) No, you’re not allowed to set fire to ants
Not that this needs much explanation, but to give you the gist it involved my son (post seeing a survival show), a magnifying glass, a hot day and an enormous ants nest. I told him not to set fire to them (but he caught me boiling them to death with water from the kettle, ahem).
3) No, I won’t be coming back here
Not the toy shop, surprisingly. Instead a cafe in our local town, which in one visit I was told didn’t sell afternoon teas (when on the menu they did), didn’t have gingerbread men or squash available (which on the menu they did), only did croque monsieurs on white bread (WHAT? WHY WTF?), had run out of mozzarella, and felt it appropriate to serve up grey salmon on dry bread. And then ask if our visit was satisfactory. No it bloody well wasn’t. The only reason you had any of my custom is because my children were hungry.
2) No, I haven’t had my hair cut
Since going from very long to very short hair and hub not noticing for 3 days, he has now taken on an almost daily basis to ask if I’ve had my hair cut. Nope, but nice try.
1) No, you can’t have any more sodding balloons
I’m wearing a particularly fetching beige brown wrist splint currently, and it appears to be a topic of conversation, one I’d REALLY like to avoid explaining owing to the ridiculous way I did it. But as you ask… I managed to tear a ligament in my wrist (sympathy please) by, well, tripping over one solitary balloon and falling in a particularly comic fashion.
I swear I’m injured by a toy (usually f*cking Lego) on an almost daily basis.
I’m considering coming up with a way cooler story for it though, I’m thinking I could say I wrestled someone to the ground in a spectacular Superwoman style scenario?
PS – the title is inspired by THE most annoying toy car my son has ever been given (thanks Mum and Dad). It’s got no volume control and plays, out of all the songs in the entire world, 2 Unlimited (remember them??). Son got it at beginning of summer hols. Chances are it’ll be in the bin by the end of the hols.