Ever sat at the park and surveyed the other parents? Here’s a breakdown of the folk you’d find – which category do you find yourself in?
You want to be near these guys when the shit goes down. Armed with a backpack with sun lotion inserted down one side, a 3L water bottle on the other and numbering a first aid kit and umbrella in their bag, these park goers don’t want any surprises. They’d survive the apocalypse.
The First Timers
‘Oh look, he’s on the slide – careful’, ‘watch him on the swing’, ‘you want to go on again…erm..okay’, ‘smile for mummy’, ‘please, just a little smile’. Spends most the time pushing a swing and trying to take photos.
The Old Timers
Have three kids, one of whom is roughly 10 years old and therefore is given the responsible parent role. Generally sat down, enjoying a coffee and a chat with each other. Seem a little surprised to learn any of the children need assistance.
The Three Coursers
Has turned picknicking into a high class pastime. Produces Thermos flasks filled with Columbian coffee, butters rolls at the table with a real metal knife, to be eaten alongside various Tupperware filled with delicious Mary Berry inspired salads, breads and pickles. Brings own table cloth, crockery and tea towels. Makes whole endeavour appear straightforward and your cheese sandwich a little sad.
The women wear hotpants and crop tops with tiny Haviana flip flops which should be impractical for a park and yet don’t cause them any problems. The men wear loafers or fancy trainers, white t-shirts and smart shorts. The child is dressed as impeccably as the parents. Both spend time Instagramming pictures of the sky, the ground, their outfits and their child #childrenofinsta.
The rest of us
Usually sporting sunglasses to cover up late nights, interrupted sleep or too much drink the night before. Has managed to pull together something resembling a picnic but forgets crucial items like water bottles. Or plasters. Or tissues. Does a lot of ‘making do’ (or using a t-shirt as a wet wipe). Can never roll a picnic blanket back up. Generally found coaxing down youngest from a tree. Wears comfy shorts, t-shirt and Birkenstocks or Saltwater sandals. Permanently knackered, but smiling (hint: they’re thinking of the gin and tonic they’ve promised themselves).